


arslan senki goes to walmart

by feitan



Category: Arslan Senki | Heroic Legend of Arslan
Genre: Walmart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 06:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6145066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feitan/pseuds/feitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>yeah</p>
            </blockquote>





	arslan senki goes to walmart

**Author's Note:**

> i need to stop cluttering this tag

it was 11:00am and daryun had already eaten 9 sandwiches that day. he’d had 6 for breakfast and another 3 to tide him over until lunch time. but he was still hungry, because he is a very large man. he went to the kitchen to make another sandwich, but when he looked in the fridge there were no more sanwich ingredients!!! he gasped violently and, leaving the fridge door open, ran to find narsus painting out on the patio. “narsus!” he said. “I want a sandwich!”  
narsus, hpwever, didnt respond because hed already had elam make daryun 9 sandwiches and it wasn’t even noon yet. he had no idea what they were going to even have for lunch because daryun was using up all their ingredients for his darn sandwiches. narsus continured to paint his painting, ignoring daryuns statement.  
“narsus!!!!” daryun yelled again, even louder. he wasn’t sure his friend could hear him, so he yelled again “narsus!!!!!!!!!”.  
narsus had had it he wasn’t going to stand there and be yelled again. “what” he said, not looking away from his painting.  
“we must go to the store narsus!” daryun said.   
narsus nodded. “indeed.”  
they both grabbed their suspicious looking cloaks from the suspicious looking cloak rack near the front door. then they went upstairs to gather everyone else.   
first, narsus went to elams room. he opened the door and entered without knocking. “elam we’re going to the store get in the car” he said. elam had been busy playing call of duty black ops, but when he heard the news, he smiled because he loved going to the store. he’d even asked narsus if he could have his birthday party at the grocery store one year.   
“what store are we going to lord narsus?” elam asked before realizing that narsus had already left, leaving the door wide open.   
meanwhile, daryun knocked on arslans door. there was already a dent in it from all the other times that he’d knocked on it because his arms are too strong to use for menial tasks like knocking on doors.   
“your highness we are going to the store” h e said. shortly after the door opened and arslan looked up at daryun.   
“did you eat all of our food again daryun” he asked. daryun started to sweat but whats new.  
“yes” he replide reluctantly. “but we are going to get more right now!”   
arslan was happy because he liked going to the store too! he said ok and went to grab his cloak from the closet. his wasnt suspicious though  
finally when everyone was in narsus’ minivan narsus pulled out of the driveway at 35mph like always and headed to the store.! daryun was holding onto the little handle on the roof so hard that it broke off for the 5th time ethat week. he yelled in agitation adn threw it towards the window, shattering it,w hich just caused him to yell even more. narsus also joined in on the yellin gbecause now he had to replace the handle and the window and he didn’t have that kind of money. daryun wou;d just have to stop being such a barbarian all the time., daryun took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, but he was so hungry. all he could think about was how much bhe wanted a sandwich.   
“drive faster” he said to narsius, who awas already going 73mph.  
“i cant” narsus said. daryun just didnt understand. he never does  
without slowing down, narsus suddenly made a sharp turn into the walmart parking lot. in the back seat, elam slammed into the window. arslan was okay because he crashed into elam instead of the window.   
narsus parked the minivan right on top of the line between two parking spaces but he didnt care. no one tells narsus what to do.   
thankfully when they exited the vehicle elam stole the keys from narsus and parked the van properly while everyone went into the store. then he sprinted to catch up to everyone. however, he was not fast enough and ran right into the sliding doors as they were closing behind everyone else. he immediately lost consciousness. 

now inside the store, the rest of the gang stared in awe at the aisles upon aisles of groceries. daryun began sniffing the air in search of a sandwich. he pointed with his massive hand towards the deli section. “there” he said. he took off, charging towards the glass case of various meats and cheeses, expecting narsus and arslan to follow behind him. however, narsus quickly pushed arslan in the other direction.

“we must hurry,” narsus said, shoving the kid down a different aisle. “before its too late”

arslan was a little scared, but he trusted narsus. “narus where are we going!” he asked. 

“away” narsus said cryptically. he just didn’t want arslan to have to witness daryun probably destroying the entire deli in his pursuit of a sandwich. suddenly, he had an idea!

“your highness, look at that!” he said, extending a hand towards numerous bags and boxes of candy on the shelves around them. arslans eyes grew wide in amazement. he'd never seen so much candy before!!! and better yet, daryun was not around to stop him from eating it!!!!!

“NARSUS!” arslan suddenly yelled, startling the poor man. 

“y-yes?” narsus stammered, quickly becoming terrified. he briefly regretted abandoning daryun. 

arslan pointed to the vast selection of candy, a determined look now on his face . “we are buying all of this!” 

“all of it?!” narsus asked. he was much more lenient than daryun, but this was still outrageous! he wasn’t even sure they had enough money to pay for it, let alone enough room in his van to bring it back home. he also did not want to deal with any of them getting cavities.

arslan was already busy grabbing box upon box of candy off the shelves. “Yes, Narsus. All of it!!” 

meanwhile, daryun was relentlessly jabbing the glass deli case with his battle spear, yelling “AAAAAAAAAGH” but it wouldn’t budge. the man was almost moved to tears. suddenly, a figure emerged, rising up from behind the counter. twas gieve. 

“daryun” he said, calmly. “what do ythink youre doin’ to my deli”

daryun continued to stab at the glass as he spoke. “i just want a sandwich” he said, voice trembling 

“ah!” gieve said, clapping his hands together. “leave it to me!” he gave daryun and thumbs up and began to sparkle. then, he sank back down below the counter.

daryun looked around, just now realizing that arslan and narsus were no longer with him. (he’d forgotten elam was even there altogether.) he began to sweat nervously. he wanted to go look for them, but he had to wait for gieve to come back with his sandwich. before he could start yelling again in frustration, gieve materialized next to him holding a plate. on that plate was an entire cooked steak in between two slices of white bread. daryun grabbed it and swallowed it in one bite. “thank you gieve” he said before turning to sprint away. however, gieve wasn’t having this. he stepped on the end of daryun’s cape, causing the large mans feet to slip out from under him and land on his back.

“you best be payin for that” gieve informed the fallen warrior before him. 

“of course!” daryun said, struggling to stand up. gieve was still standing on his cape. “how could i, daryun, a respectable warrior, have forgotten something like that!” he reached into his pocket and pulled out his Saint Laurent Grained-leather bi-fold wallet and gave it to gieve. “now, i am off!” he said, galloping away. gieve put the wallet in one of the 70 layers of clothing he wears and returned to his nap behind the deli counter. 

daryun continued galloping down every aisle, looking for his companions. he now had 100x more energy because he was no longer hungry. he galloped through the store at 55mph, battle spear in hand.

“YOUR HIGHNESS! NARSUS!” he yelled, turning down the next aisle. unfortunately, he took no precaution and ran directly into someone. the impact was hard enough to send the other man flying 35 feet down the aisle. 

“AH!” daryun exclaimed. “I APOLOGIZE, SIR” daryun said, moving closer to the figure still motionless on the ground. he briefly wondered if he’d accidentally killed the man. 

suddenly, the figure’s head rose from the floor and sent a violent death glare towards daryun. it was hermes, aka Lord Silver Mask! “YOU” he exclaimed before doing that thing where people laying on the ground somehow manage to just jump right back up. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE”

daryun had his battle spear at the ready. “WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I AM TRYING TO SHOP”

“TCH,” said hermes, reaching to draw his sword. “I HATE PEASANTS.”

daryun whistled for his faithful steed Shabrang. 5 miles away, back at their home, shabrang burst through the garage door and began galloping towards the walmart at ~136mph. he was about to run into the store to aid daryun, but was stopped by an unconscious elam in front of the sliding doors. shabrang leaned down and began to chew on some of elam’s hair. 

daryun was worried about shabrang when he didn’t show up, but he had bigger things to worry about at the moment. he raised his spear high in the air and brought it down right on hermes’s head, knocking him unconscious.

“ah” daryun said as he put the spear back into his pocket. now he could continue his search for arslan and narsus, who were pushing two shopping carts completely filled with candy down a food aisle.

“hmmmmmmmmmmm” narsus thought as he took in the sight of all the food. “something’s missing.”

then, he realized it. “ELAM!” he gasped. where had his kid gone?! he left his cart (and arslan) and began sprinting through the store in search of elam.


End file.
